Yeah, that's me.
I attended my cousin's wedding last month. As usual, my focus was on the food. I didn't care much about anything else, especially when all I could see was the photography crew blocking the view of my cousin marrying his partner completely. It was also a time to socialize with the extended family and update each other about what's happening in our lives, being complete busy bodies.
Soru pota enga venalum poidratha? (If there's free food, you'll go anywhere?) Aama, poiruven. (Yes, I'll go.) As I dug in, my cousin, summoned my widowed mom and aunts to the backstage.
I thought those widowed elderly women were called backstage to prepare stuff for the wedding. Because it's usual to call widowed women/divorced women/unmarried women above 35/childless or childfree women to the back so they won't be in the frontlines of a wedding. Often, these women refrain from standing in front during weddings. Kalyanam panthal la vithaveingaluku enna velai? (What is the work for widows to be at the forefront of weddings?)
Anyway, I grabbed my phone and started to film when lamps were given to my mom and aunts whose husbands are no more. Then, this happened. 😍💕
My mom and aunts were the first in line carrying the lamps - my married sister, sisters-in-law, and cousins tailed their widowed mothers, mothers-in-law, and aunts carrying the lamps. And the former stood first in the wedding dais.
Once I was home, I asked my mom about what happened backstage - thondru thottu illaye (it's unusual). She said that her brother (the groom's father) said that his widowed sisters are people who lived life, overcame struggles, and faced life bravely. Thence, his son needs such people's blessings and active participation in his life-changing event.
Then I told my mom that this is cultural evolution. From being considered a bad omen, these women were considered strong, resilient, courageous, and accomplished by their brother. The people who saw this will apply it in their weddings and their children's weddings. As time goes by, people would forget that widows are considered jinxed and accept this as culture. And posterity would keep improving on this.
Culture is not set in stone. It evolves as humans evolve. Culture is made by humans for humans. And when the culture is discriminatory, damaging, and prejudiced, we must consign those elements and adopt inclusive, just, and socially-developed elements.
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