Good Fathers aren't Always Good Men and Good Husbands

Good Fathers Aren't Always Good Men 

As a daughter, I couldn't ask for a better father: 

• He was attentive, caring...
• And unabashedly proud of my achievements.

He was a real worrier.

I was ambitious and driven. 

His constant advice for me? 

• Be wary of strangers, especially men. 
• Don't consume anything given by any unknown person, especially a man.
• Never follow a stranger bearing bad tidings, especially if it's a man.

Being wary is one thing.
Being s*xually ab*sed is another. 

• I was s*xually ab*used not because I trusted strangers. 
• It happened because I existed as a female, vulnerable human. 
• If my dad knew, he'd be heartbroken.

The same man who cared for me deeply:

• Conspired to take my mom as his second wife. 
• He's one of the people he was warning me about, for my mom. 
• And he was her maternal uncle, not a stranger.

At that time, he was the most educated man in my family.

• The pride got to his head. 
• Because I was his youngest - I was born when he was 50...
• I didn't witness his elitist side. 
• Nevertheless, it doesn't negate his atrocities.

He looked down on his own family who were labor class...

Including his sister, my mom's mom. 

Ballistic over the choice of his nieces' husbands (oppressed caste origins)...

• He forbade my mom from attending their weddings. 
• He forbade her visiting her mom and siblings. 
• My mom was beaten for going against his diktats.

My dad retired when I was seven. 
From then onwards, his downfall began. 

• Yet, he desperately clung onto his male authority and ego.
• He stopped my mom from going to the city to work, raise, and educate me.
• Despite him being penniless, he thought women are to stay at home.
• Ironically, he supported my evolving ambitions: doctor, lawyer, journalist, biologist, English professor.
• Because I was his daughter. Not his wife. Not a random woman.

My mom was sl*t shamed for wanting to earn.

• My father, who was proud of my grades at school...
• Said that the only thing my mom can do in the city as a single mom is pr0stitute herself. 

When my mom retorted that my dad's mom was a single mom - did she raise her children by pr0stituting herself?

My dad, at a loss for words, exerted physical brutality on my mom. 

My mom bled. Hurting, she left for the city - my tiny hand clasped in hers.

The same, abusive, domineering man...

• Traveled two hours on his motorbike every month to the city to take me to an ENT specialist. 
• He beat my mom but never laid a finger on me.
• He comforted me when I was beset with period cramps. 

That kind of gentleness, love, and devotion was only for his children, especially for me. 

• Everyone else was either beneath him or inferior to him.
• My father was outstandingly good to me. 
• But he was neither a good man, nor a good husband. 

This is why the question, "Did your dad r@pe you for you to say, "Yes, all men?" is unthinking. 

My dad didn't r@pe me. 

• However, he might've committed marital r@pe. 
• He was also a casteist.
• He habitually insulted oppressed caste peoples.
• He was also wasn't good to fellow men.

My father's friend had two daughters.

• He didn't m0lest his daughters. 
• He m0lested his friend's daughter, me.

Good fathers aren't always good men. Good brothers aren't always good men. Good uncles, grandfathers, husbands, sons, AREN'T ALWAYS GOOD MEN.

That's why it's YES ALL MEN.