Indian men and intimacy

I think Indian men are the worst when it comes to intimacy.

I have been reading numerous confessions where married Indian women felt that sex feels like rape every night for them. No care. No love. No affection. Robotic and rigid.

These types of Indian men watch porn and are only keen on penetrative sex. Cuddling with their wives is something emasculating for them. Coz men are not supposed to be gentle and tender! That is what this patriarchal system teaches men. Women, on the other hand, yearn for love and care before both leads to sex. Indian men translate this as ‘women being needy, clingy, and slutty.’ Coz we have taught men that women who know about sex and what they want in sex are bad women.

Hear out your wives and respond positively, dear Indian men

If you watched The Great Indian Kitchen and Vallamai Tharayo, you’d know. When women say that they’d like some foreplay, sexy talks, teasing, flirting, and calling each other endearing names to their husbands, the latter is quick to retaliate. “I know about sex more than you. Are you a family girl, talking about sex, and teaching me how to have sex?” Inter alia.

For most Indian men, when women say what they want in the bed, they feel emasculated. Their ego prevents them from hearing women out. Once married, they think women belong to them alone, like owning them. Flirting and cuddling with their wives is like below their level. Coz they are 'MEN', and society has sketched it like that.

After sex, most Indian men think that they own the women, and their sheer arrogance, in this case, won't back away to think otherwise.

What the hell is intimacy? Why porn isn't the real deal?

Intimacy is not sex. It is what creates a strong bond between two people in a marriage or relationship. It’s the stolen, unexpected kisses, the warm hug after work, and cuddling while watching TV. Put ice cubes in your spouse’s clothes. Sprinkle water on each other. Wash dishes together, either of you hugging at the back. Sit on the kitchen counter and make out. It can be a sexy text or sharing an in the mood Instagram post. It could be sending hot pictures with the caption, “This awaits you today.” Build the anticipation and tension. Women should equally do it – we are not loose women if we do these. It means we love you and we want you. We also want to please you.

What porn shows can never build a strong sex life within a marriage. The sex in porn is not only mechanical but also degrading women. Slaps. Violence. It’s shit, not sex. Porn is the major cause why most Indian men are so clueless about intimacy yet refuse to admit it. Rape porn is the most sought after porn by Indian men. No wonder that is how sex is conducted by the general population of Indian men.

The great Indian joint family

Joint family makes it worse. Yet, our Indian men won’t stop suckling their mothers’ teats even after marriage. In the presence of family elders, intimacy is impossible. With insecure mothers-in-law who don’t even let their sons sleep in the same room with their wives at night, how can intimacy even be applied? 

It doesn’t help with Indian men who insist on joint family. Separate/independent living would require these men to sacrifice their privileges – they’ll need to do housework and be more responsible. Any self-respecting, sensible parent would understand their adult married children’s need for privacy and send them to live separately.

Dating after marriage is possibru

If at all you have little privacy at home due to the presence of elders, go out on dates, duping the elders. They may have lived mechanical lives out of next to nothing choices but we live in a world teeming with choices. Especially if your marriage is arranged, dating can open up things and sync with each other.

The importance of cuddling

There are cuddling services where cuddlers cuddle up with customers seeking their services. That’s how potent cuddling is. So, cuddle up. It will lead to great sex life. And you’ll get the art of making love rather than forcing your wife for sex when she’s not ready. Maybe then India will have the lowest divorce rates due to really great marriages and not because women adjust and compromise with everything.