Image representative of teenage girls
I moved to a notorious section of my neighborhood when I was 12. Those were one of the darkest days in my life as I was nearly raped by a 18 years old man for rejecting his "feelings of love," toward me.
Here's the story...
Why da? Why you do like this da??
I was a 13 years old student, going about my way to and from afternoon session school. I only returned home at 7.15 pm and I was always harassed by a bunch of wayward boys as I walked home from where the school bus dropped me. I never responded or looked their way once. They knew my name and my house. The older boys were all school dropouts, workers at a workshop, and gang members whose job was being a nuisance.
"That manja kaatu mynah is mine. Stay away from her." Yours truly, Kumar.
The bulkiest guy in the group named Kumar took a covetous eye on me and began to "protect" me by telling his underlings that he had "booked" me - I was his property. He followed me when I went to school and the public library. Of course, he was inspired by Indian movies. I was only creeped out by his constant stalking and felt humiliated.
I learned that his name was Kumar from one of my school bus mates who was his neighbor. He had also asked her to convince me to couple up with him.
If I say, "No," once, it means I said , "No," 100 times.
As I was walking home one rainy evening, Kumar, backed by one of his minions, confronted me and said "I love you." I told him that I was not interested and went on to open my rented annex gate and entered my house portion (which is a room). My mom and the other tenants were at overtime work.
"I don't want the love without troubling and running around." Yours truly, Kumar.
Kumar followed me into the room, demanding that I reciprocate his feelings for me. I was shocked to see a person with such a burly physique blocking my way and inching closer. I told him no but he persisted.
My self defense and rejection bruised Kumar's male ego and hurt his entitlement.
I was petrified and only wanted Kumar out and get back to my safe zone, that is, my house. So, I grabbed an insect spray and pointed it at his face, threatening that I'll spray it in his eyes if he doesn't get out from my home. He backed off. Before leaving, he told me that I will pay for this.
I was intent on pursuing my education - even that was a struggle.
I had math tuition that night. My mind was off Kumar and I got ready for tuition class - as I cycled past the field where Kumar and his gang congregated, the boys yelled at me incoherently, auctioning my name. It was routine for them to do that so I didn't pay them any heed.
What wrong did I do? I couldn't understand.
The gang jumped on their motorbikes as soon as they saw me returning from tuition and gave chase. In a state of extreme fear, I veered into a bypass gravel lane and couldn't maintain balance. I fell off from my bicycle and grazed my knees. As I tried to get up, the boys surrounded me. I was in a pickle - I thought that was my last night.
"You're such a b*tch. You dare to reject me?"
Kumar grabbed me from behind and cupped my mouth with his hand and started dragging me away from his friends who just stood and watched. "How dare you threaten me with an insect spray can? Why won't you love me? Oh, because you're a good student? I will see how you will go from here with your honor."
Why can't men let women/children be? From how many should we run from? In school. At home. Way back home from tuition. Public library. What did we ever do to you?
I was touched and manhandled inappropriately from behind. His hand was inside my tee as the other cupped my mouth tightly. I thought I would die as I trashed violently, desperate to be free from his iron grip. The ordeal continued for about five minutes. He also bit my shoulder and tried to take off my clothes. But I was a fighter.
"Let's take her to the mechanic shed and do what we planned."
My blood ran cold as Kumar briefed his gang on the next course of action. I looked around for a chance to escape. Just then, an elderly Chinese man passed by the alley and I made as much fuss as I could so he would notice me. And he did. He shouted at the boys about what were they doing. When the boys told him to mind his own business, he took out his cellphone and said, "Hello, police?"
"Plan change. Escape da!"
In 30 seconds flat, Kumar let me go, his cohorts got on their bikes, and they cleared the place. I burst into tears as the Chinese man helped get my bicycle up. I thanked him after telling him what just happened as he accompanied me home - in case the gang caught up with me.
Although the sexual assault was the worst that happened to me by far, it wasn't the end - I still face it today - online and IRL.
I was so shaken up, I got acute fever for a week and didn't attend school during that period. When I finally went to school, I took the long route home to avoid the gang. But there was no other route to tuition. I had to pass by the field where I knew they'd be waiting. Indeed they were there. I almost shat my pants as they roared my name.
"They almost raped me... How long more should I bear this torture, teacher...?
Terrified that Kumar and the dastardly bunch would harm me again, I spilled the beans at my tuition teacher. I cycled ahead and my teacher followed me on his Harley Davidson and gave the unruly boys a stern warning - stay away from me or get police treatment and jail time.
Are you men humans?
Kumar changed his strategy. He apologized and continued importuning me to reciprocate his feelings for me. He asked me, "I apologized, right? What more do you want? I didn't even care that you're a girl. I said sorry to you, a girl. Why are you so stubborn?" As a 13 year old, I didn't have the tongue to tell him that he deserves no love from any girl because of his inferior thoughts on females so I told him that I'll tell my tuition teacher to call the police if he won't leave me alone.
Is there no end to men's torture in the name of love?
So, Kumar forced his neighbor, my school bus mate to be his love messenger. This continued until I crossed my 14th birthday. The effect of my tuition teacher's warning only lasted for so long - the rowdies resumed harassing me when I walked home, commenting on my growing physique. I'd grab the flower plants lining the street in anger and the men would laugh. When Kumar was with them though, they played it low key.
Happy to know that Kumar is no more.
Then, Kumar died. Motorbike racing. Severe head injury. It felt like a huge boulder was lifted off me.
Pathetic, disgraceful, reprehensible.
Kumar thought I'd lose my honor if he raped me. Even at 13, the idea seemed absurd to me. I was going on in my life, on a mission to do well despite adversities, and I lost my honor? Nope. He and all sexual harassment offenders lost their honor.
What did I lose due to this unreasonable, unfathomable chain of incidents in my life?
I lost plenty because of Kumar. I was deposed from the A class in school to B class - I didn't do very well in the year end exams due to undue stress that impinged my concentration. I lost my peace of mind, sleep, and sustained PTSD. I was humiliated by my class teacher coz I kept looking out of my class window. Kumar was standing outside the school class block, thinking he's Alaipayuthey Madhavan - I was shit scared he'd enter the school - that's why I kept looking. I lost the opportunity to become a student disciplinarian (an elite, privileged position in school). I was berated by my mom for the deposition. I wanted justice for what happened to me but I was powerless to pursue it.
I reemerged - stronger.
With Kumar dead and other sexual harassment don't compare with what I went through in Kumar's hands, I rebooted myself. I studied like a freaking ghost and got the first rank in the B class, earning promotion to A class for the next school year. I got a pixie short haircut. I got the student disciplinarian position. I consumed books as a lifeline - I never went anywhere without books. After public examination results were announced, news about my stellar performance reached the men who tormented me - at long last, they were embarrassed enough to let me be. When I was 16, my mom bought a house in a better neighborhood and we moved there. I've never looked back since.
Aah, I hear the #notallmen horde descending...
Yea, coz a Chinese man and a male teacher got me out of trouble with Kumar and his gang = not all men. But does it ever occur to you that I wouldn't need any man to protect me if men don't harm me in the first place?
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