The Untold Stories of Global Indian Women (Episode 1) - Are Daughters-in-law Slaves?

 

I live with my mother-in-law, husband, and my 10 years old son. 4 of my co-sisters (my husband is the only son) often come and go or stay over for days but they only eat and sleep – they don’t do a single work at home. I work 6 days a week and I am the one who gets up at 4 am, cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner, goes to work, returns from work, checks my son’s homework, and does all the housework up to 11 pm.

This has been my routine for the past 7 years – ever since we moved to a new big house and my husband’s stepmom (whom I adore) moved out with her daughter into their own home. I slave away in the kitchen while my co-sisters watch Astro in the living room – it’s been 7 years since I sat on my couch in my house and watch my subscription TV for which I pay. I spend Sundays (my only leave) cleaning my double-storey bungalow.

I got fed up a few months back and told my youngest co-sister who is a teacher trainee that this is our home, not a hotel. I requested her to do some housework with me. She made a big scene and my mother-in-law complained to my husband about me. She said, “See how your wife speaks. If she speaks ill of my daughters, won’t I get angry?” He sided with his mom only.

The fight is still on as a cold war. I still do all the housework. IDK if it was deliberate or “health-conscious” but what my MIL cooks, vaila vekka mudiyathu. My son complained so I took over the cooking. My co-sisters don’t come anymore, and my MIL blames me for it. I never said they shouldn’t come. I requested them to share the housework because this is their home too.

I train my son at housework – I need help and I don’t want his future wife to suffer. It’s laughable that my husband blames me that making my son do the housework with me is the sole reason his grades are dropping – he threatened our son that if his grades drop this year, I will be beaten. I did housework as soon as I was taller than the sink and still graduated cum laude. My husband has the inferiority complex that I am more educated, make more, and more capable than him. My MIL too says that highly-educated women don't make good wives. 

Ama, beat me and I will file for divorce. IDK if my husband is ashamed of telling our son that he will beat me if his grades drop. It makes me think about what kind of man I allowed myself to be married to – yes, arranged marriage. It doesn’t occur to my husband that a non-study conducive home is the one that’s making our son’s performance drop.  

The house is in my name – I prepay the mortgage every month – my husband owns a smaller house that we used to live in. Hit me and they will see what I will do. I make RM 3K more than my husband and I am also more educated than him. And they are using me as their slave – vadichum kottanum, kaasum kottanum. Am I a machine? I am exhausted and sleep-deprived, and no one cares.

I have adjusted and compromised ever since I got married. Before I came, my husband lived like a pichakaran – he drove a 2^nd hand Proton Saga and the house’s furniture was my china atthe’s . I am the one who invested smartly, saved money, bought high-end cars, this bungalow in a posh neighbourhood, and 2 more houses which generate passive income in addition to what I make. What? Do they think I can’t survive without them? All these thoughts haunt me.

For my MIL, her daughters are princesses who shouldn’t even shed a drop of sweat but daughter-in-law is a maid that can be ordered around.

Previously, my china atthe and her daughter were here and they did all the housework with me. After they moved out, all the burden fell on me. My MIL thinks I should be at her son’s kaal adi coz he washes his own plate, knows how to cook (he cooks when he is in the mood, not as an obligation unlike me), makes his own coffee, cuts up fruit for himself and for basically knowing how to wash his own underwear – things every able-bodied, adult humans should do.

If I live separately with my husband, all these won’t happen. Indian men want joint-family coz they will be indulged by their mom and wife and they don’t need to do any housework.

I know some women who don’t want their husbands to have sisters. I understand their chagrin now. See, I am not that cruel to forbid my co-sisters from my house. They are always welcome – it’s a big house. They can stay for as long as they want. I don’t stop my husband from spending for them – I got them gifts when I went on trips to India. I only asked them to be kooda maada othasaiya and do the housework like family, coz I am exhausted as the only one who does all the housework – I don’t know how it’s “speaking ill” of them and warrants such response from my MIL.

~Netra Loshini, Malaysia~