Why Dowry Doesn't Exist in the Malaysian of Indian Origin Community

 

There is no dowry, dowry related abuse, and dowry killings in the Malaysian Indian community. And it's related to the Indian indentured laborers migration to Malaya (pre-independence Malaysia) during the Industrial Revolution under British rule in late 18th and early 19th century. 

Along with the majority Tamils who were brought to Malaya by the Crown for cheap labor to work in rubber estates, Telugus came as well. The educated Malayalees arrived later as govt workers and professionals along with the Punjabis who were in the armed forces. 

Many women from south India came to Malaya as indentured laborers during the 4th wave immigration, the majority of them being Tamils. Telugus were more open to bring women - that's how my widowed great-great-great-grandma came to Malaya. She brought her children along so she could raise them here, including daughters.

Most of the south Indians brought here to work were oppressed caste people. The men were taken to clear forests, build railway tracks, pave roads, and construct buildings. So, the women at home went to work, and managed their home and children in the absence of men. Soon, the women mobilized Tamil schools, temples, and organized communities within the estates.

Through such a hold at work and at home with the men gone/dead, these women became assets rather than a liability. Furthermore, everyone in the estates were poor. So, when marriages happened, the women brought themselves as a resource rather than dowry. Moreover, diseases were rampant and no proper medical facilities were available. The men died by the thousands and many young women were widowed - remarriage was common for these women, especially during Japanese occupation and the construction of the Death Railway.

Although sons were still preferred back then (my great-grandma/paternal grandma only educated her only son (my dad), daughters weren't given the opportunity) for reasons rooted in Indian culture, girls weren't killed or considered a burden. They were sent to work, married off, and they continued bringing money in after marriage like my grandma/maternal grandma.

Confused? My dad is my mom's biological maternal uncle.
After my mom completed her primary education in a Tamil school in the estate, she began working as a rubber tapper when she was 14. All of her sisters worked in the rubber estates and their mother bought gold with the combined income and gave them their share after they got married - my grandparents saved nothing for their daughters' marriages. Instead, my grandma adeptly invested in real estate. 

My stepmother and mother (they are birth sisters) didn't work after marriage coz it's an issue of status for my dad. In fact, my dad wouldn't talk to them when they were rubber tappers - his pride of being the most educated in the family made him look down on anyone who labored in the estates, including his family members. He was also a casteist. But he never took the gold my mom brought after marriage and didn't demand additional monies/gold/stuff because by then, dowry was a faded memory from a distant land.

In the 21st century, Malaysian women of Indian origin's value increased with education, employment, business and investment sense, and capabilities. Our parents do not discriminate on providing educational opportunities and property rights. My sister paid my mom's house's mortgage after marriage - her husband and in-laws didn't interfere. I bailed my sister out of insolvency after I started earning. I don't think things like these happen commonly in India.

In pic, 3rd from left, Vanajah Siva, the only Malaysian woman selected for a groundbreaking astronaut program. She's a physicist, unmarried, and lives in Europe. Many Malaysian Indian girls are career-oriented. My mom told me to study well so I won't inherit the hardships she endured and assume a good profession. Not sure if parents in India tell their daughters to study for this purpose. 

With all these opportunities, Malaysian Indian women are more ambitious and competitive than their Indian counterparts. These days, most of us marry after we're well into our 30s. This allows us to earn and gain an equal financial standing as the men. There are so many Malaysian Indian women in high-profile positions in LinkedIn. Naturally, female hypergamy wanes here - most of us don't ask for house, RM 10,000 monthly salary, car, etc for marriage. We are more open to contribute because we have the leeway opened for us by our female ancestors. In pic: Ambiga Sreenevasan. 

My sister got married in early 2000s. My mom spent for her wedding but the money wasn't saved for that purpose - my sister was short on funds so my mom pitched in. These days, if Malaysian Indian women are broke, they defer their weddings and save up so they can pay for it. The same is true for Malaysian Indian men - the expenses are split equally. No asking parents and in-laws this and that. Some parents do pay for the weddings of their adult children (male and female) by tapping into their savings and EPF, but this is generally discouraged.  

Malaysian Indians were outraged at this episode of Neeya Naana. First, they didn't understand Indian ethos when it came to daughters, their treatment at home, and marriage. I saw flurries of Malaysian Indian men whose work is demeaning Malaysian Indian women for their choices, suddenly saying that they should build temples for Malaysian Indian women coz we're "far better than Indian women."

Arranged marriages are dying out in the Malaysian Indian community - our parents washed their hands off us and told us to find our partners by ourselves. 😂 Love marriages are superseding arranged ones - however, parental consent, and caste are still factors. Conflate this shift with education for career pursuits, financial freedom, allowance for marriage in the 30s for Malaysian Indian women - dowry simply died an unnoticed death. 

Men and their families in the Malaysian Indian community do not ask any gold/money/anda/kunda/sombu/Pongal seeru/Diwali seeru, nothing from the women's families. Only Thala Deepavali is practiced to this day. My mom gave my brother-in-law a considerable amount of money to develop his homestay business - neither my sister nor he asked for it - my mom gave it out of her own will. Her son-in-law returned the money to her - he saw it as a debt to be repaid, not dowry = his right.

In pic: Moganasundari Mahalinggam, Miss Malaysia Indian Global 2015. Malaysian Indian women usually settle themselves financially before getting married. We buy gold jewelry, motorbikes, cars, houses on our own before and after marriage. My sister-in-law bought a bungalow and finished paying the mortgage within 7 years - her house is bigger than my brother's and that's where they live now. My 3rd maternal uncle's daughters all own homes - his son still lives in a rental house. 

Daughters are preferred by Malaysian Indian parents - we're more diligent, caring, and responsible than the sons. Although gender stereotypes prevail, daughters are coveted. It's not unusual to see Malaysian Indian women supporting their parents financially, domestically, and physically, being better at it than Malaysian Indian men. Hence, dowry became absolutely unnecessary and simply phased itself out completely cuz, "Given the right empowerment daughters can take care of their parents, beating sons, even." In pic: Yours Truly.

My cousin brought her mother to live at her home where her mother-in-law also lives. Up to the latter's death, they kept each other company. My cousin's husband is the one who made this arrangement coz his mom and mom-in-law were widowed - he thought this was a good way to keep them engaged with life in widowhood. 

Can you see the Malaysian Indian women's way of life interspersed in this meme? Ya bet!

Culture is not set in stone - it should evolve per ever-changing needs. And I don't think dowry is necessary.

Don't think that it's all rosy and progressive in the Malaysian Indian community. A lot of the men are like this Karutthu Kanthasamy admin.

Dowry tha illa. Matha vishayangal la most of the Malaysian Indian men sync with the misogynistic Indian men - orey kuttaila ooruna mattai. But that's a topic for another day in another blog!

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