Indian Adult Children who Don't Care for Their Parents are Ungrateful?

You can't say that Indian parents by default, "only want the best for their children." And you know, go on to malign those adult children who don't care for their "old parents who sacrificed so much for them."

We don't know what does an adult child who doesn't care about their parents carry in their hearts. And Indian parents aren't exactly angels - for many of them, what society says, status, caste pride, their own ego, and vainglorious quests are more important than their children's happiness.

Because these children are victims of their parents who claim, "I only want the best for my children." 

"I want the best for my children," is an Indian parent trap.

More Indian couples broke up because of their parents, "who want the best for them," than their own perceived incompatibility. First these parents say shit like, "I brought you up for all these years. Don't I know what's best for you?" Then they force their kid to leave the person they love, look for a rich groom/a  bride bringing a hefty dowry of the same caste, throw a lavish wedding, pressure them to give a male heir, and interfere in everything, coz parents "know best." I mean, we don't want the best. We want what we want. Certainly, such parents don't deserve care and affection in old age.

I mean, I wouldn't blame a guy hating his Indian parents for pressuring him to pursue engineering when his interest lies in architecture. Or if he's in love with an European woman and his parents disapprove coz she won't bring dowry or pander to Indian culture, coercing him into marrying an Indian girl of their choice. How would that guy love his parents and would want to care for them?

"I want you to do all these so you won't suffer like me," is another Indian parent trap.

Let them suffer in life. Let them learn from life. What, you think beating your kid till the belt frays, squirting chilies in their eyes, and searing their skin with a hot metal spoon because they didn't get the scores YOU EXPECTED feels like a ride in a theme park? There are no bigger suffering and trauma than that.

Gotta lead by example, yo. Good examples, not caste pride examples. If you want your kids to study, sit with them, take a book, and read. Leading by example is the best way to make a kid succeed, not by issuing threats of the kid's future and imposing your own wishes of what the kid should be.

"I fed you, clothed you, and educated you. I sacrificed so much for you. So, you must listen to me and do everything I tell you." 

Nope. Your children don't owe you good grades, monetary success, marriage, grandchildren, and old age caretaking - they owe you NOTHING and you owe them EVERYTHING because you decided to have children. Feeding, clothing and giving an education to your children are not PARENTAL SACRIFICES. They're PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES, one you chose to shoulder when you decided to have kids.

And parents who perpetually guilt trip, gaslight, and manipulate their children to do what they want play victim when their children abandon them: 10 maasam sumanthu petha vairu doesn't cancel out the damage you did by not letting your child to be their own person.

I am not even touching parents who sexually abuse, hide their children's sexual abuse, help the sexual abuse, and chase their children out do to their sexual orientations and life choices. 

My mom used to say that whatever I drew was ugly. For her, creative art has no value. A person sketched on paper must look like a person in real life. Any deviation I made is abominable. Because of her constant taunts, I stopped making art. I carry the hurt and belief that I can't draw to this day.

She also burned my school autograph and science notes which I was saving for memory sake. She called those priceless memento trash and worthless and threw them in the Bhogi fire in front of me. Since I was sick and relied on her for care, I couldn't do anything. 

I don't know, maybe those are the reasons I talk back at her a lot and call her "ngana sooniyam" for the ignorant things she says and does these days.

Yes, it's true that my mom came to the city to work for my sake - she cares for me, cooks me what I request, and is proud of my achievements (not in art). But that doesn't make her a faultless parent.

And I am allowed to show my unhealed heartache at my mom - all she had to do was let me draw as I like and leave my keepsake alone. She needn't call my artistic inclination unfit and my material memories trash. My bestie shared the autograph I wrote for her and asked me to show hers. I could only lie that I lost it while reliving the sight of her autograph and all my friends' burn into ashes.

If my kid is caring for me in my gloaming days, I'd like it to be out of genuine love for me, not them fearing the brand, "ungrateful child." Of course, I have a retirement plan under way but to get that kind of love from my non-existent kid, I have to just let them flow while being their guiding light.

I don't expect care from my kid. It's enough that they live their life coz I have my own life, my own house, and my own money. I'd be Sheldon's Meemaw, Connie Tucker and live my dusk years being a badass, sarcastic, and wise lady.