Nayanthara: Struggles Before the Success

I watched the documentary about Nayanthara on Netflix: Nayanthara: Beyond the Fairy Tale.

A woman’s Autograph movie was never seen in our society until Nayanthara’s very public relationships with you know who. And we all know how the men in our society reacted to the divulge.

I never thought that she took note of all those nasty, sexist memes about her past and her husband until I watched her open up about it and actually questioning the double standards in the documentary.

The documentary detailed Nayanthara's growth as a person and most importantly the journey she endured before meeting, loving, and marrying Vignesh Shivn.

I think there are life lessons from Nayanthara's lived experiences in love, choices, and life.

You need to shuffle through the bad ones before identifying the good one - this is especially true in love. Men who reveal their quest in a string of failed loves are hailed as genuine people who had bad experiences and overcame them to find their one true love. Women do the same and they're called names.

And I think that Nayanthara broke the mold. 

Indian men who always like to spit #notallmen everywhere and get angry when women don't want anything to do with them should actually appreciate Nayanthara. You know, she gave another man a chance after being very badly hurt by men. She certainly didn't think all men are bad and would break her trust and try to control her life and choices. I don't know why Indian men don't see her from this POV.

I also don't understand the shaming of Vignesh Shivn's looks - again, it's Indian men who troll the appearance compatibility between Nayanthara and her husband.

I am not saying that Nayanthara is perfect but she made some darn good choices after stumbling initially due to being too trusting and giving too much too soon. Her second love forbade her from continuing her acting career. All that after using her the way he did under his film direction for Villu. My first thought is the male entitlement and sexism one of the greatest film icons India produced. If he tells her to act, in any way he and the male audience sees fit, she should do it. When he tells her to stop, she should stop. And the shame and disrepute are piled on her. 

Of course, there's already deluge of trolling from Indian men as the after effect of the documentary but she's more successful, happier, and more mature than any of them. 

The title "superstar" befits her in her life than her career. It's not easy to thrive as a woman with a bad past in the cine industry with piranhas waiting to tear her down at every turn. But she just throttled along like an unstoppable pyroclastic flow. 

When a woman is this strong and resilient, it takes a secure man to love her. Wikki is that man. And that scares a lot of Indian men who think that they need to have the upper hand in a relationship.

Yes, Nayanthara is far from perfect: her irresponsible post on hibiscus tea, the arrogant reply to doctors who called her out, and public, unprofessional business spat with Dhanush. Her issues are also elite and I dare say, first-world problems.

But she set an example that women needn't hide their struggles and be ashamed of their bad choices. 

I personally have overcome more troubles than Nayanthara. And there are definitely women who suffered more than I have out there. But our society is one that normalizes women suffering and not talk about it. With this documentary, Nayanthara has set a standard: talk about your troubles as a woman that society considers better left unspoken.

If a woman talks about the difficulties she faced and questions the double standards of society, she's immediately labeled a feminist and becomes a big inconvenience. And the troubles a woman faces are only valid if she works to raise her children or help her family - if she works for her life and her growth, it's selfish and a bad example.

Now, notice how Nayanthara broke fresh ground through this documentary isn't the topic in the public sphere... It's completely overshadowed by her copyright dispute with Dhanush. While it's true that she has supporters, her story in her own words about the thorny path she walked through to become the accomplished woman she is today has been rudely shoved to the backseat. The controversy with Dhanush has taken the driver seat and is driving away from the obstacles patriarchy and male entitlement she locked horns with to clinch success. It has become another opportunity for social media vultures to do what they do best; character assassinate a woman. It's business between Dhanush and Nayanthara: you don't see Nayanthara's supporters repost Dhanush's liplock scenes and question his loyalty to his ex-wife.

I see the dispute as "nothing personal - just business." It doesn't matter if Nayanthara is Dhanush's friend. There are no place for emotions and relationships in business. In my year end professional evaluation, I can't state how I felt and my personal differences. The public letter Nayanthara issued is in bad taste but saying that her success had gotten into her head is also in bad taste. 

And people have successfully diverted the light from Nayanthara's public revelation of her struggles before the success to the fracas with Dhanush. It's hardly surprising. Although I don't support Nayanthara's actions pertaining producer Dhanush, it doesn't mean I should let her verbalized stumbleblocks and her relentless grit in kicking them aside drown in the cacophony. I'm making it echo.

I've been reticent about my personal struggles as a female born into Indian society. Maybe it's time I break the silence and tell my story. I'd like to hear yours too. Feel free to unload in the comments. I'm all eyes and ears!