Living Out of the Box as a Woman of Indian Origin

Personally, I've deviated far from the socially accepted life for an Indian woman. Here's my story. I hope it will inspire that life isn't a set template, it's all about breaking barriers.

I Fell Gravely Ill when I was Writing My Pre-University Exams and Couldn’t Go to University. 

 

The onset of my rare genetic disease happened during my pre-university days - I was 19 years old. 

At that time, no one could determine what was wrong with me. I was admitted to the hospital and wrote  my exams there. I was in a lot of pain. My hands shook and I had difficulty writing but I pushed through anyway, in tears.

I got sicker because of misdiagnosis.

 

Since my disease is rare, doctors misdiagnosed it many times. So, I got worse and worse – critical time was wasted. After correct diagnosis, I had severe allergy reactions to the medicine. Throughout the ordeal, I had to make great effort even to swallow. My tremors were so violent, it shook the wheelchair when I sat in it.

I was also used as a case study for medical students. I couldn’t pursue my university education because I was fighting for my life. I passed my pre-u exams though. Several years passed with me being in and out of hospitals.

It's always easier to put the blame on karma than finding solutions.

Throughout this period of severe illness, I encountered ugly people. I was molested by my doctor - my hospital gown must've provoked him. 

Religious Hindus loved to rationalize my grave sickness with my karma in past lives. It was a struggle to stay sane when even my mom blamed me for my genetic illness.

Everyone tried to make it my fault and guilted me to go to religious gurus for “healing.” Of course, nothing worked. But I was too powerless to challenge them as I was dependent on them.

I can't be sitting ducks - my mind is strong and intelligent. I should use it to make moolah.

Soon, I stabilized, and my mind cleared. I knew that I had to do something. Anything to keep myself occupied and productive. 

To kill time, I read dictionaries, and it enriched my vocabulary. I practiced writing by hand to control my tremors and wrote letters to my pen pal in New Zealand. 

After my brother got me a laptop, I started blogging and writing op eds to the local media. In 2015, I co-founded a feminist page for the Malaysian Indian community - Karuththu Kannammaa.

Then, I freelanced online and had an income, albeit unstable. Soon, I was sought after by the HR at Genashtim for a content writer position. The offer came after my boss read an op ed I wrote to a local newspaper that went viral.

I got the job and I never looked back since. With my financial independence, I could be more assertive and stand my ground when people try to pull me down. I receive better care from my doctors as I earn and pay taxes. My company knows that I have a central nervous system disorder that causes episodic, severe migraines and accommodates me accordingly.

My neighbors are awed by the fact I get up at 5.30 am and clock in for work at 6.15am. People stare at me when I use my phone or laugh in public. Me having a job, living an organically developed life are "great achievements."

People using me as inspiration porn.

Yeah? Karma eh? Talk to me about how it's all my karma now, mate.

Through self evolution, I proved that karma and past sins = present retributions are all nonsense. Only tireless effort, resilience, and a progressive mindset followed by affirmative action count. I am paying my own bills and running my own households and finances.

My answer to people who say I am sick because of my karma.

Marriage isn't one size fit all - it's just a part of life for disabled and able-bodied people. And if marriage didn't happen to you, it's perfectly okay.

Being born into Indian society, marriage was a topic as soon as I was born. My mom was happy that although I wasn't a boy like she expected, I was fair-skinned and a "cute" baby girl, I'd go to the highest bidder in the marriage auction.

When I fell sick, marriage was again a topic. It didn't matter that I couldn't pursue my education and subsequent career - the ultimate achievement for a woman is marriage, after all. My relatives were wondering who would marry me, when I have this many health issues. They revealed the ableist and exclusive nature of marriage, especially for women. 

My second half-sister who resents my mom, sister, and me said that she's happy I won't be able to marry. All of them perhaps didn't hear that women are choosing singlehood over marriage because matrimony sucks them dry.

I didn't pay heed or express disenchantment because no one came forward to marry me - I didn't even put myself on Malaysian Indian matrimony. Although I was active on social media, I neither put up the lore of being single is the best nor complain that 2K kids are coupling up and I am single as an 80s kid. I kept myself busy with work, writing for leisure, taking online courses, taking care of my body - simply sorting out the life that shaped itself for me. 

This kind of life, where I spend my time taking care of myself also feels jolly and good - I am my Rowdy Baby.

A guy chased me for a year though, knowing full well about my illness, it's spectrum of complications, and my disability - I took pity on him and accepted him. 💅 Kidding. I fell in love with him eventually. 💑

Children? After all, children completes a woman!

This is a long topic. So, it's reserved for another blog!

I hope my story enlightens you all that life isn't a template society sets for us. It's okay if something bad happens that prevents you from furthering your education or sets you back in certain aspects. Just pick yourself up, motivate yourself and make the best of a bad job.

Do not admire me if you wouldn't admire an able-bodied, healthy person doing all that I've done with my life. I am just an example of  a woman of Indian origin living a different kind of life.